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Is it Style - or Self-Soothing?

fashion your style May 27, 2025

Time and time again, I've heard women whisper it like a confession: "I think I might be a shop-o-holic."

They say it with guilt. With shame. Sometimes with a nervous laugh to cover up how deep the regret runs with the credit card bill arrives - or when they face a closet full of clothes and still feel like they have nothing to wear. 

But what if I told you ... it might not just be about the shopping?

Let me share something personal. I'm ADHD.
Like many women, I wasn't diagnosed until later in life. But once I was, it was like turning on a light. Suddenly, patterns I'd always chalked up to personality - or even weakness - started to make sense. 

Looking back, I can see how becoming a personal shopper and professional buyer wasn't just a career choice. It was something my ADHD brain was brilliantly suited for. The fast pace, the constant change, the creative problem solving - it all lit me up. Shopping wasn't just fun. It was focus. It was flow. And it gave me a sense of purpose and identity. 

But outside of work? Shopping could sometimes become something else entirely. 
A coping mechanism. A quick fix. A way to soothe emotions I hadn't yet learn to name. 

Dopamine in a Dress

Here's what I've come to understand: ADHD brains crave stimulation. We're wired to seek out novelty, creativity, and - let's be honest - a little chaos. Shopping checks all those boxes. 

There's a real chemical reaction behind the rush of a new purchase. It's dopamine - the feel-good neurotransmitter that lights up when something excites us. And for many of us, a great sale or the thrill of a style reinvention delivery exactly that. 

But that rush doesn't last.

What comes after is often a mix of clutter, confusion, and quiet self-judgement. 
You wonder why you bought it. Where you'll wear it. and how you once again ended up with four nearly identical black blazers.

When Shopping Becomes Self-Soothing

The truth is, it's not always about the clothes. Sometimes, we're trying to fill a gap we don't have the words for.

We shop to feel seen. To feel inspired. To feel something when life feels too much or not enough. 
We hope the perfect outfit will bring clarity, confidence - or a fresh start. 

And it can ... temporarily. But if that habit becomes a cycle, we're left standing in front of a wardrobe bursting with stuff that doesn't reflect who we are - just who we were trying to be in that moment.

Closets Full, But Still Searching 

I've helped women with closets that could rival a boutique, but they still feel like they have "nothing to wear."
Why? Because it's not about the number of outfits. It's about connection - between you and your clothes, and between your clothes and your real life. 

If you find yourself buying to boost your mood, reward yourself after a hard day, or reinvent yourself again - you're not shallow. You're human. And maybe, like me, your brain just works a little differently. 

Style Without Shame

You are not broken. You are not frivolous. And you are definately not alone.

Once I began to understand how my brain was wired, everything shifted. I stopped beating myself up for the impulse buys and started asking more compassionate questions instead.

What was I feeling when I clicked "add to cart?"
Was I bored? Lonely? Overwhelmed?
What did I think that item was going to give me?
And what do I really need right now?

Awareness doesn't take away the joy of fashion - it brings it back. Because when you shop with intention, you build a wardrobe that actually supports your life instead of masking it. 

The Real Makeover

Sometimes the makeover we need isn't in our wardrobe - it's in how we speak to ourselves. Especially if we've spent years thinking we were just "bad with money" or "always disorganized" or "addicted to shopping."

It's never just about the stuff. It's about what the stuff represents. 

And once we start exploring that with kindness, style becomes a tool - not a trap. A way to express who we are - not who we're supposed to be. 

So here's what I want you to know:

You don't have to give up your love of fashion.
You just deserve to understand why you're reaching for it - and how to reach for yourself, too. 

And when you do? That's when everything starts to fit.

 


 

I'm the author of the book called Wear Your Life Well: Lessons on the Journey to your Truest Self.

I also write Off the Cuff. It's not a fluffy free newsletter. Think of it more like a heartfelt conversation with a friend that will brighten your day and spark your spirit. I call it Style Therapy. My readers call it something they didn't know they needed.

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